


screw-up

by rainbowrabblerouser



Series: I project onto gay characters with ADHD in melancholy [1]
Category: Disney - All Media Types, Onward (2020)
Genre: ADHD, Character Study, Future, Gay Rights, Introspection, Post-Canon, Post-Quest, References to Depression, Wishful Thinking, projecting onto my boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowrabblerouser/pseuds/rainbowrabblerouser
Summary: Barley Lightfoot wasn't just a screw-up.He's The Screw-Up, a Royal Fuck-Up, if you will.
Series: I project onto gay characters with ADHD in melancholy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712914
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	screw-up

**Author's Note:**

> Barley reminds me of this song
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl9KQ1Mub6Q

Barley knew he was a fuck-up.

“Screw-up” was the family-friendly word you say when you’re a cop and a stupid narc who was recruited because your grades were too low for college and you’re a fucking slave to the damn system– and–

Yeah, Barley hates cops.

But he is not just a fuck-up.

Barley is The Fuck-Up.

And damn right was he going to be the best worst one of them all.

“I know you’re not going out this late, mister,” his mother had caught him boarding Guinevere the Second for a solo-quest. 

His noble quest to get some fries and a cookies-and-cream shake.

It was one he had braved before on nights where his ADHD medication wasn’t doing it for him and he felt like doing something reckless.

“I’ll get you a coffee back.”

“Fine. Be quick and grab your baby brother some apple slices.”

Then, with the flick of a switch and the latest album he had forgotten the damn name of because it was complicated and you wouldn’t even have heard of it – he was becoming a hipster more and more every day – he was off.

Barley was the Fuck-Up in so many ways.

He had refused to see his father. He was supposed to be moved out and at college. He was supposed to already have some sort of skill that made him special, but he was gonna be an English major who played punk rock at open mic and told lackluster stand-up.

He was supposed to not like guys. He was supposed to do a lot of things.

But there he was, at the fast food joint – pondering his life choices over fries and nuggets. How’d he get here?

Ian was the nice one. Easy to get along with and sweet as candy. He would have been the favorite kid if his dad was still alive, but he would never know.

Barley was what the kids called “unemployed” – or a NEET, Not Employed Educated or in Training of any sort.

Well, it beats being a dirty, boot-licking cop.

He fucking hates cops.

All he had wanted was some sort of validation from someone. Maybe himself?

Barley didn’t fucking know. He had nearly failed philosophy.

“Can I get another Shamrock Blizzard?”

It would be a long night.

He had nearly forgotten to get his mom’s coffee and Ian’s apple slices.

Of course, he had gotten the toy that came with the kid’s meal. 

It was sliding on the dashboard full of fidget toys that didn’t work as well as the adrenaline he had gotten by pushing over the speed limit or drinking mouthwash.

Diluted, of course.

He wasn’t a fucking moron.

It was a very strange existence he had, but someone had to do it.

When he went to his LARP-con and he was the best bard there, he realized that he was good at making shit up. And it wasn’t like when he clowned teachers during Socratics or negotiated with counselors to let him go and not reprimand him.

He was good at making up stories, but he just needed the discipline to write them.

Their dad had been a writer and he loved hearing his whimsical ideas.

It was fun to know he wasn’t the only one out there. 

Barley would go to his local bar and just sit around hoping someone would want to strike up a conversation, but he settled on applauding the drag queens and giving them high fives and advice on their boy troubles.

He never had any boy troubles because well, the only guy he ever liked had moved away.

All he wanted was someone who got him well enough. 

Maybe he’d bump into some hot paladin at the con one day, but all he got were a bunch of girls who wouldn’t take the hint until he started talking too much about his music.

Barley would go to therapy and get his doctor to laugh, but it wasn’t the same as an audience’s whooping and cackling and a 6-minute standing ovation.

Some nights he ends up meeting someone and staying at their place, but it’s all the same. He wasn’t really one to believe someone liked him for his appearance.

It was all right. 

Soon, he’d be in college and maybe find someone there with a purpose.

He’d redefine the word “fuck-up” and be someone people would never forget.

Ian would never understand him. He was the normal one. 

Barley was the one people would sneer at and not like. He was the one his mom wouldn’t mention first. Everyone knew it.

So why would he give her another reason to pretend he was abroad or at a class rather than in his room rearranging his comic books by color and alphabetizing his cards.

The day he moves out is pretty momentous. 

Like a call to adventure.

His mom stifled her tears and sent him on his way.

Ian had helped him move in and then went to a science olympiad thing in town.

Barley’s college was all right. He was using his pre-paid and was gonna spend his first financial aid check on skateboards and new kicks.

Thanks Dad.

It was fun for the first week, but like everything to his re-wired brain, it got boring.

Soon, he’d be falling asleep in class and still acing his classes.

He got more and more tacos, but they didn’t fill the void.

Barley knew he was a fuck-up, but when he won awards and heard the applause from a full house, he knew it wasn’t for fucking nothing.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Barley would stan Pansy Divison - gay punk rock band + also he'd love Bill & Ted
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlpcyeadaTk


End file.
